I seem to have stopped sleeping again which is highly annoying. However, the advantage of this is that if I still havenapos;t finished my essay by the weekend I may be able to stay up late in order to complete it. Usually I canapos;t work after tea but recently Iapos;ve still been wide awake in the early hours of the morning (I didnapos;t sleep til 4am on Monday morning). I have so much work to do at the moment but I just canapos;t focus. I feel annoyed at Nic because heapos;s ruined my final year. I used to love studying and now I just canapos;t focus; I used to love socialising and now I just continually feel the need to run away from people and be by myself.
I have had a few fun evenings though. On Sunday night when I wasnapos;t sleeping, Tracy and Anna couldnapos;t sleep either and so we stayed up til 4am crying and chatting (well, Tracy and me cried while Anna laughed at us). Last night we all stayed up til gone midnight watching Aladdin, dancing and laughing which was fun.
I really do need to start sleeping and studying soon though because Iapos;m starting to feel rather panicky as I have no idea how Iapos;m going to get it all done on time. Iapos;m almost considering trying an all-nighter on Thursday or Friday night. I need this essay finished by Friday night really because Iapos;m going to Mikeapos;s on Saturday for his birthday and Iapos;ve still got my ethics presentation to prepare for Monday. Iapos;ve never been in this situation before because usually essays just come naturally and I have no problem with them but this time Iapos;ve spent two weekends not really working and just being depressed. At least after this essay is completed Iapos;ve got nothing til February I do have to write my dissertation in that time though but that shouldnapos;t be too hard and if the worst comes to the worst I can just do another module instead.
I am furious at Nic though. I wish I could just tell him how much heapos;s hurt me but he doesnapos;t think I should be hurt and canapos;t understand why Iapos;m so upset, which just makes me even more angry I have never cried this much in my life and I canapos;t ever remember being this angry either. I might write him an email expressing how I feel but not send it until a lot later when my existence has stopped irritating him.
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